The first missile was state of the art.
It had sensed the Defence Shield and detonated, releasing a large electrical charge, as soon as it felt a reduction in velocity.
This overloaded the Defence Shield in that area.
Ship had automatically erected a secondary force field, over the damaged area, between the inner and outer hulls, to prevent the egress of bodies, air, toilet rolls, whatever.
It also protected against meteors or cosmic debris coming in.

The second, rather more primitive missile, had obviously been confused by the unexpected inertia-less stop.
This had upset the missile's functions and prevented detonation.

The meeting was about how to remove the missile. It was rather heated which much argument.
Most arguments centred on withdrawing the missile whilst preserving the inertia-less state.
This was looking increasing impossible.
The babble eventually ceased.

At one end of the table was an ancient and wizened Engineer.
He had sat through all the arguing without saying a word.
Some of the time he just dozed.
"Talk to it" he suddenly said, into the silence.
A few jaws dropped. No one had heard the old Engineer speak for a long time.
Some had even entertained doubts about whether he was still alive.
Everyone looked at him.
He looked back.
The silence was deafening.

"I am sure that we would all be most grateful if you could expand on that", said the Commander with a hint of exasperation.

"Size of the computer", the old Engineer said, pointing to the display screen.
Numerous gentle scans had allowed them to compile an accurate 3D representation of the innards of the missile.
"10 times larger than it should be".
A pause.
"How do you know that", someone chimed in.
Another pause.
"I designed it", was the reply.
"It's name is Have a Nice Day, it was a originally a Long Range Survey Drone.
We converted it to a Prototype Seek and Destroy / Maximum Kill Missile.
It was the most destructive missile at that time"
Quite exhausted by this epic outburst, the Engineer returned to his silent mode.

The was another long, thoughtful pause whilst numerous overworked brains tried to see the significance of all this.
They all knew that the Engineer's home planet had been overrun by the enemy but had trouble getting past that.

A very Junior Tampon Dispensing Machine Technician, who was only there because the Services Section Leader was still in bed with a large hangover and a female Security Guard, spoke up.
"What difference does the increased size of the onboard computer make?"
They all frowned down at the presumptuous youth, but were secretly glad that someone had raised the question they could not because they were supposed to be the most intelligent Officers on the ship.

All eyes reverted back to the old Engineer.
He was not used to all this attention.
Being a normal, ageist society, no one bothered too much with the older members of the crew.
He sighed and drew in a breath.
Everyone's expectation's rose.
Would they get more than his standard, minimal, reply this time?

"It is more intelligent than it should be"
A pause while he gathered his strength for yet another sentence.
"It will have a much larger decision making capacity"
A paused again, thinking that perhaps he should have been a Primary School teacher.
He was rescued.

Again, Junior Tampon Dispensing Machine Technician pRatt, (2nd Class), chimed in
"Reason with it", he said with the sudden light of realisation reluctantly entering his watery eyes
The babble resumed with several simultaneous discussions about why this idea was (a) totally stupid or (b) brilliant.

The old Engineer returned to his interrupted dozing.

After some more discussion, a couple of punch-ups, and the revelation of a scandal concerning the ships High Priest and a topless waitress, a decision was made.
Ship was the best 'person' to talk to the missile.
Ship had been programmed to be very gentle and tactful when presenting bad news.
Back home there had been a lot of it.
It didn't panic or become upset.

Maximum protection possible had to be built around the Nexus without triggering the missile.
All bodies, stasis tubes, goldfish, etc. would have to be moved as far as possible away from the detonation area.
The Command Staff would be the farthest away of course.

The Commander had made Ship aware of the task in hand.
The Ship was not too enthralled by this particular task.
"So, you want me to open a discussion with a moronic, antiquated and highly destructive missile whose only purpose in life is to blow a large hole in my innermost workings, and who, at this time, is sitting very near those innermost workings"
"Yes", said the Commander.
Many unpleasant things passed through the 'mind' of the ship.
Recovering, Ship said, "What do you think I should say to it?"

"We feel that you should attempt to persuade it that its mission is no longer valid".
"Oh", said the ship.
"Yes, and, if you feel that it is intelligent enough, you could try a bit of bribery".
Ship: "I don't think that I have been programmed for bribery".
"Yes you have. How do you think you negotiate with the Works Section when you are in space dock."
"Oh", said the ship again, "I see".
A significant pause.
"What should I bribe it with?"
"Life"
'Here we ago again', thought the ship.

The Commander proceeded to explain.
"A missile only gets one mission and that's it.
We offer it many new missions to new and exotic planets.
As a Survey Drone it would be given many missions for years to come, it would be looked after and pampered, and become one of the family, so to speak".

Ship said nothing. Or rather, Ship's tact circuits were working overtime to prevent the natural, caustic, cynical, replies bubbling just under the surface.
It went back to quietly reflecting on the chances of there being any intelligent life in the Universe at all.
Ship eventually found something to say which would not offend.
"I feel that you may be over estimating the quality of intelligence of the missile".